Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
