my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
