my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
