Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
