Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
