It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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