this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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