I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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