I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
