I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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