I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
