Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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