Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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