Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
