It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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