arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
