i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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