he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
