I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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