IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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