shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
