got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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