just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
