I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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