Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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