You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
