you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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