i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
