I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
