We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
