Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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