My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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