Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
