I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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