Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
