i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
