im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize