I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
