How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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