her vagine was all disorganized.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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