Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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