Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
