I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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