Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
