Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
