If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
