My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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