Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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