At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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