the condom got lost in my hair
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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