Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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