I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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