Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He kissed a someone with a penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
