we have officially lost it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
