If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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