i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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