Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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