i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
