I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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