i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
should my penis look like a turkey
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
