my mouth tastes like poor choices
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
