i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
