it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
