I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
