Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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