Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
