Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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