you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
