You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
