I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
