We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
