My first STD was from a foam party
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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