her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
