I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
