I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
