The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
