No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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